1.     I'll get a world record for this.

2.     Let me reach in and get your watch out of the printing press.

3.     It's fireproof.

4.     He's probably just hibernating.

5.     I'm making a citizen's arrest.

6.     So, you're a cannibal.

7.     It's probably just a rash.

8.     Yeah, I made the deciding vote on the jury, so what of it?

9.     The odds of that happening have to be a million-to-one!

10. Pull the pin and count to what?

11. Which wire was I supposed to cut?

12. I wonder where the mother bear is.

13. I've seen this done on TV.

14. These are the good kind of mushrooms.

15. I'll hold it and you light the fuse.

16. Funny, you look just like Charles Manson.

17. Rat poison only kills rats.

18. It can't possibly rain for forty days and nights.

19. This doesn't taste right.

20. I can make this light before it changes.

21. Nice doggie.

22. I can do that with my eyes closed.

23. Well, we've made it this far.

24. That's odd.............

25. Don't be so superstitious!

26. That doesn't look like any kind of UFO I've ever seen.

27. Is this the way to Amarillo?

28. I understand lions often do that.

29. Friday the what?

30. The power has been turned off at the main.

................................................

.................................................................................

Man: Haven't I seen you someplace before?
Woman: Yes, that's why I don't go there anymore.

Man: Is this seat empty?
Woman: Yes, and this one will be too if you sit down.

Man: Your place or mine?
Woman: Both. You go to yours, and I'll go to mine.

Man: So, what do you do for a living?
Woman: I'm a female impersonator.

Man: Hey baby, what's your sign?
Woman: Do not enter.

Man: How do you like your eggs in the morning?
Woman: Unfertilized.

Man: If I could see you naked, I'd die happy.
Woman: If I saw you naked, I'd probably die laughing.

Man: Your body is like a temple.
Woman: Sorry, there are no services today.

Man: I would go to the end of the world for you.
Woman: But would you stay there?

..........................................................................

HOW TO IMPRESS A WOMAN...

compliment her,
cuddle her,
kiss her,
caress her,
love her,
stroke her,
tease her,
comfort her,
protect her,
hug her,
hold her,
spend money on her,
wine & dine her,
buy things for her,
listen to her,
care for her,
stand by her,
support her,
go to the ends of the earth for her....

HOW TO IMPRESS A MAN...

show up naked,
bring beer.